I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
