Me too!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
