wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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