You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
