So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
