I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
