I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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