Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
