hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
