I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
