Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
