Someone shit on the floor
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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