I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
