youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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