But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
