wat bout pragnant strippers??
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
