this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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