dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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