Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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