So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
