i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i drank out of a bidet.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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