i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
