Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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