Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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