did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How drunk are you?
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