How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
