Your face is a jimmy john
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
