And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
