it's not cheating when I paid for it
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
