hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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