god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
