my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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