If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
