It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
