Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
