Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
