just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
