Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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