she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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