where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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