Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
