So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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