two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
