Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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