Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
