hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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