"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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