it hurts more in the daytime
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
