ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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