I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
