my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
