I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
