Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
