Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
