U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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