The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i wish my penis had a tongue
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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