you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
